Empathy

As a new teacher in a Christian elementary school, I found myself running to my teaching mentor, Margaret, daily (actually, multiple times throughout the day) with concerns and requests for advice in dealing with my little ones.  One thing she taught me was that ethics must always be the first lesson in a classroom, and empathy is the basis for driving the ethics you teach.  Children have a hard time seeing past their own needs and wants.  It's hard to empathize with the kid you've just swiped a jumprope away from when you NEEDED that jumprope ... thus lack a of empathy.  Humans are selfish and self-consumbed by nature, which is why empathy must be the grounding point for everyone's spiritual life and personal lessons.

What is empathy?  I used to just equate it with sympathy, but although the words are linked they are not really the same.  I believe sympathy is more of a detached feeling, while empathy combines feeling and identification.  1 Peter 1:22 says, "... love one another deeply, from the heart."  For me, that line is one of many from the Bible that embodies the act of empathy.  When you love "deeply, from the heart" you will also identify with each other "deeply, from the heart."

Although I understand empathy and I strive to love in that way, I still find myself lacking in love for others.  I still chose to love some and not love others.  I withhold my empathy from those that I don't feel deserve it ... but did I deserve the love that Jesus showed me?  Jesus identified with me in my selfish, sinful state.  He became my sin, so that I can have the opportunity to be free of it.  WOW!  In light of that, I can definitely empathize and love deeply someone that seems unfit to love.

The act of withholding empathy can be great or small.  Obviously I have a hard time identifying with a mass murderer, but how hard is it to identify with someone who always seems to have some sort of petty, physical ailment that they are complaining about?  HARD.  Their pettiness becomes a reason to withhold empathy because I unfairly reach the conclusion that they do not deserve a listening ear.  Reacting this way is completely unfair and unloving and unlike my Savior.

Within the context of 1 Peter 1:22-23, Peter is explaining that the deep love from the heart is evidence of our salvation and the work of the Holy Spirit within us.  He says in the first part of the verse, "Now you have purified yourselves by obeying the truth so that you have sincere love for your brothers, love one another deeply, from the heart.  For you have been born again ..."

Empathy is huge for us!  It's almost impossible without the Holy Spirit at work within us!  We need to challenge ourselves to deep love and empathy for those we pettily push aside.  No more justifying that action as deserved ... take a moment to relate, identify, listen and LOVE.

Grace for the Humble

Chatting with a good friend today, she explained to me a frustrating situation she has been experiencing.  She felt cornered and bound within the situation, but even worse she felt guilty for the angry feelings she has been having as a result.  She was asking for advice on how to mend the problem and overcome her anger.  And this is where I put the story on pause because although she was asking me for advice I needed to hear my advice just as much or more than she did!

Amidst the conversation, I never realized that God was speaking to me regarding an issue within my own heart ... conviction through the very words I was speaking.  Isn't it crazy how we sometimes become our own prophets?  While we were talking, I was reminded of the verse that says, "God opposes the proud, but gives grace to the humble". I looked it up and found James 4 ... the whole chapter is advice on handling quarrels and confrontations.  Once the verse came to me, another profound word just began to flow: "Apologize for your angry reaction. Humility is a characteristic of integrity and it makes you even more valued by others because it becomes the basis for your reputation."  Basically, what I was saying was show humility by acknowledging your wrong actions.  Although your frustration with the situation and the motivation of your anger were not necessarily wrong, the outburst served the purpose of whittling away at your reputation.  Restore your position through apology.

Apologies are great!  First of all, when an apology is sincere and timely it puts everyone on the same ground level.  Secondly, apologies send an invitation to God, asking Him to be present ... the Lord gives grace to the humble.  Lastly, the act of a sincere apology opens the door for communication and restoration.  To sum it all up, one act of sincere humility serves to build an even stronger relationship with others and with God.

James 4:6 "But He gives us more grace.  That is why the scripture says: 'God opposes the proud, but shows favor to the humble.'"