Lampara Designs

I am listening to one of my favorite songs by Burlap to Cashmere, Love Reclaims the Atmosphere.  This song speaks to me anew every time I hear it … and for that reason, you'll hear it loop on my blog media player.  I just heard the line, "I used to walk on water, but now I fan the flame," and it speaks exactly what I've been feeling today.  Some days I feel like a superstar - accomplished, eyes focused, patient, balanced; other days, I feel like all I can do is barely fan the flame in my heart to keep it burning.  On these days, I find myself asking, "Do any of my efforts even matter?"

For me, there is a definite division between dream-driven goals and purpose-driven goals.  Dream-driven goals aren't necessary to my life, but they are novelty and natural at the same time.  My dream-driven goals include to publish a book for children and to achieve reasonable livelihood from my art.  My purpose-driven goals hit to the very core of who I am, who God created me to be, and His lot for my life, such as mother, wife, sister, daughter, friend and lover of Jesus Christ.  At times when these two states of being intertwine, it makes sense - but sometimes it just doesn't!  Nevertheless, my God-given precious lot trumps all.  What hurts is when I have a day where I feel like I'm not any good at ANY of it!  I don't think I'm alone in feeling like that sometimes, but in the midst of it I can tend to get a little (aka - a lot) melodramatic.

Despite all of the melodrama and emotional hiccups - one thing keeps me grounded, thankful and strong:

Photograph by Nigel Howe

And I know that despite how ineffective, unorganized, disconnected, behind-the-mark and unaccomplished I may feel at times - God knows my heart (Psalm 139), loves me ALWAYS (Isaiah 54:10), and only has precious blessings and good gifts in mind for me (James 1:17).  He never condemns me, never berates me and never thinks less of me.  He gives me a new day everyday and His promises to me are eternal and unchanging.  Not one person is exempt from God's unending, never-failing, all-encompassing, extravagant, honest love.  

Knowing all of this, I am immediately able to respond to my self-condemning questions with, "God sees everything I do and, to Him, everything matters."  It's all going to work out (Romans 8:28).  It's all going to make sense … eventually (1 Corinthians 13:12).  He's got it covered.