Save Me, Oh God

When I read Psalm 69, I can really feel and identify with David's pain.  We have all reached a point of complete, overwhelming remorse regarding sin in our lives.  This is where David was when he wrote this psalm.  He is so disgusted with his sin and the disease of his heart that he even implores the Lord to save his nation and descendants despite his wrongdoing, as Psalm 69:6 reads:

May those hope in You

not be disgraced because of me,

O Lord, the Lord Almighty;

may those who seek You

not be put to shame because of me,

O God of Israel

David could not even begin to understand salvation through grace because the Messiah had not yet come.  However, what amazes me is that throughout the beginning of his psalm he is asking God to save humanity, but by the end of the psalm he prophesies the coming of Christ and the end of days.  Psalm 69:34-36 reads:

Let heaven and earth praise Him,

the seas and all that move in them,

for God will save Zion

and rebuild the cities of Judah.

Then people will settle there and possess it;

the children of His servant will inherit it,

and those who love His name will dwell there.

Despite our sin and shortcomings, the Lord is always there to pick us up and offer a way out.  The band Waterdeep wrote a song after Psalm 69 called Save Me. My favorite lines of the song explain David's conclusion of his psalm with a modern perspective: "No one has ever loved me like the way You love me ... Only you have come to save me ... Only you have come to wrap your arms around me."  It's funny how David, this man who did so many terrible things (adultery, murder, etc.), could be a "man after God's own heart."  My condemning flesh says, "That's not fair - that shouldn't be possible!"  Then I remember that God glorified Himself through this wretched man, bringing us Jesus Christ ... fulfilling David's prophesy.  It makes me wonder what God can do through me, a wretched sinner saved by grace.

Quick Note: At a Bible study I attended earlier this week, a friend suggested reading the Psalms everyday.  She suggested reading the Psalm for the day (i.e. read Psalm 9 on June 9th) and then read every thirty Psalms ... to break it down, today I read Psalm 9, 39, 69, 99 and 129.  You don't have to read them all, but even if you are able to read one it can really change the course of your day.

Mother's Day Gift Idea

My daughter is fifteen months old, which can keep the ideas for Mother's Day gifts pretty minimal.  However, we were able to think of a creative and useful gift that doesn't cost a ton of money.  She painted masterpieces for her grandmas ... I can't even begin to explain how tickled they were to receive them.  All you need is a 12x12 canvas, finger paint (the nontoxic, washable kind ... unfortunately it's non-edible so you got watch out for hands to the mouth and eyes) and whatever you need to keep the fun clean and tidy!

Update:
Okay, so it's been two years since I posted on this project.  As an update, this painting is hanging on the wall within my mom's collage of paintings.  Needless to say, it's her most prized piece!  

Souvenirs

I love going through random, old and forgotten boxes when I find them tucked away in the corners of my home. I find useful tools and items I forgot that I owned, but most importantly I find souvenirs.  It's funny how the smallest item can reopen your mind to a memory you had almost forgotten.  However, some souvenirs are more important than others.  There are the little nicknacks that can be placed right back in that box once you've enjoyed a memory for a moment, but then there are the seemingly small things that are actually long lost, prized possessions.  These are the tokens that you ache and long for if you can't find them.

For the past year, I've racked my brain to find two misplaced mementos: the video footage of my daughter's first year of life and a fat, green binder of compiled sheet music I kept since I was 16 years old.  It's weird how in misplacing these items I feel that I've misplaced a part of myself.  The binder of sheet music (half of which has spilled coffee stains) is really a throwback to my younger, more lively days.  However, I've cried and cried over the video footage and even thinking about it now gives me a heartache!  That is completely irreplaceable ... something you never get back.

I got up tonight to get a drink of water and amongst my random, sleepy thoughts I started thinking about Hana's long lost home video and God struck me with an even deeper thought: "This is how I feel about my children".  Our Father aches for time lost with us.  He aches for us to use our gifts and passions for His glory and He aches when we live outside His blessings.  He misses us when we forget about Him.  It reminds me of the book of Zephaniah where the prophet was calling out Israel to return to God.  In chapter three, he was imploring them to repent and turn their praise to the Lord and in verse 17 he states:

The Lord your God is with you, 

He is mighty to save,

He takes great delight in you;

in His love he will no longer rebuke you,

but will rejoice over you with singing.

The Lord sings over us, He delights in us!  I have that picture in my mind when I feel his blessings pour over me.  When I walk hand in hand with my toddling little girl, I think of how much He loves us to give us these small but powerful moments.  When we view our lives inside His blessing, it is absolutely life changing!  When we begin to live under that light, the light of His Spirit, it changes the way we exert our powers towards the gifts He's given us.  Paintings become more brilliant.  Music becomes more soulful.  Writing becomes more passionate.  Life becomes more powerful!  

As I started writing this post I googled the word souvenir to make sure I was spelling it correctly.  (I always question myself when I spell out French words.)  Some of the words I saw pop-up in association with souvenir were memento, keepsake, token of remembrance, and prize.  When I think of a memento I think of a trinkety keychain that says "Destin, Florida", but when I think of a prize I think of something far more important.  A prize is something we work very hard for, cherish, and miss when we misplace it.  But for our Lord, His prize was something He gave His life for, delights in and aches for when He can't be near it.

At the very end of the Book of Zephaniah, he writes a promise from God,  "At that time I will gather you; at that time I will bring you home.  I will give you honor and praise among all the peoples of the earth when I restore your fortunes before their very eyes".  I took a while away from God and kept Him at arms length, but returning to Him feels just like this promise.  He has gathered me up, carried me back into His presence and is restoring the lost time we had together.  Thank you Lord for being so true to Your promises in despite of the time I've taken away from You!  Thank you for restoring my passions and vision.  Thank you for being so good and so true.

Quick note: If you have not heard the song from Kari Jobe "You Are For Me", definitely check it out ... http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UbSMfL5LuSo&feature=related

Life's New Chapter

So it's been a while since I have posted anything on this blog. To catch up, we bought a house, got a dog, started new jobs, had a baby, had to give away the dog, now have a toddler ... and that pretty much brings us up to the current day. Now that we are parents we are definitely concentrated on the best for our little daughter. Another focus of concentration has become our walk with the Lord. These two forces combined will cause you to exercise acts of faith and self-sacrifice as never before, which is what brings me to life's new chapter: stay at home mom.

Working for an up and coming local business can be a very fulfilling and financially faithful way of life, but I found that regardless of the perks it wasn't fulfilling me or making my family more balanced. My little girl spent the first year of her life with babysitters through the majority of each work week. My husband felt further from me than at any other point in our relationship. My house stayed in a constant state of dirty chaos. But most of all, something beyond all of that felt out of place. I know that being a working mom is possible and it can be very balanced and fulfilling, but I am not positive that it is for me.

Long story short, my husband and I spent the past year going back and forth on the idea of me staying home and it just wasn't right until now. God laid it on both our hearts at the same time. Our situation from a purely logical point of view does not make complete sense, but when God lays something on your heart it doesn't always have to make sense. It seems that each day along this new journey we find blessing after blessing.

I want to take this time to memorialize the way God is working in our life. I never want to forget the miracles small and large. And most of all, I want to share our daily lessons with others. So stay tuned for blogs on thrifty living, household tips, gardening .... basically anything domestic! I'm excited to get comments and advice so don't hold back!

When I Hear The Praises Start

I have a confession: I'm a youtuber. I (sometimes Josh too) will think of some obscure clip and of course we don't have it on hand, but there's always the sure answer: youtube.

Approximately three hours ago (yeah, that's how long I've been youtubing) I looked up clips of Bob Dylan live and somehow wound up watching an hour long set of clips documenting the life of Keith Green. I'm really thankful I did! I had forgotten how much that guy and his music meant to me.


Growing up, Keith Green was practically iconic in my home. My parents had a ton of his tapes. I even knew him by name and recognized his face in pictures by the time I was five. That's how important he was to people.


Keith Green was Jesus to me. I can remember the first time I heard and really understood who Jesus was and what He did - it was because of Keith Green. I was in the first or second grade, my mom had his tape playing while she was cleaning. It had some live stuff and in between a set of songs Keith Green just started talking about Jesus. I don't remember what he said exactly, all I know is that my heart understood. It was real to me.


He radiated. Even when he sang, you could feel the depth of his love for God. I find myself wanting to find and see that energy. I've met people that had that same spark - the Holy Spirit. I've had moments when I felt that peace and presence. It's calming and memorable.


I miss having people around like him. He was so in-tune that he created a connection. He definitely wasn't perfect; he had his faults and personality flaws like everybody else. But he was just real. I'm just really thankful for the time he spent here. He was really instrumental in helping people experience Jesus, especially for me.

Thoughts On Eternity

Eternity is a subject I always find myself wanting to learn more about - partly because it scares the hell out of me (pun intended). Last Sunday, we attended a mega church in the area and the sermon topic was on Hell. The most common description of hell is a fiery pit with overflowing lava and the torchered souls of humanity screaming from within. Here's my problem with that description: It tells me squat. Most descriptions of hell dont tell me what I really want to know! However, last Sunday, I was so happy to received some new information!

Here are a few common terms in connection with the word hell redefined:

Gnashing of Teeth: The minister explained it something like this ... the moment you realize you took the wrong exit, you grit your teeth because you messed up. Can you imagine taking the wrong exit over and over and over again - always just realizing how much you messed up. It would be agony! It would be hell. It is the most frustrating existence.

Utter Darkness: God created all things beautiful and peaceful. When I think of a place that is void of God, void of God's touch, I think of a very dark, cold and lonely place. When we refuse to acknowledge God, we then refuse to take part in His creation. C.S. Lewis wrote, "The doors of hell are locked from the inside". Eternity is our choice! The beauty and the tragedy of human existence is something called free will. I always hear people say things like, "Me and Jesus just don't get along," or, "God hates me. I wish He'd just leave me alone". The scary part is, eventually, He will say okay. He will listen and leave us alone.

I don't want to be away from God! I love His creation; I love His ways. I don't always do what I know He wants me to do. I mess up all the time. But I will always acknowledge Him as the sole Creator and Sustainer of life - most specifically, my life. I love Jesus because I believe He is the Son of God and I believe He is the only way to God. I am not a theologian, or anyone important for that matter, but these I believe and know are true!