Quote of the Month

The Crooked Places

Returning from a weekend-long women's retreat, I am finding myself in the midst of mixed emotions.  On one hand, I am thankful to be home with my husband, baby and creature comforts, but I am almost mourning the close of such a special time.  As I parted with the group of ladies I only get a chance to see once a year, I am experiencing the same emotions I felt as a kid when we would take visiting family to the airport.  It never gets easy to drive away from these times of sweet fellowship!  But each year, I am able to glean such amazing memories and lessons from the time spent with my friends, and every time the Lord uses this retreat to help me overcome challenges within my heart.

We are all faced with challenges, but some challenges are more constant than others.  The challenge of self-image is one of the greatest stumbling blocks for women.  It can distance us from friends, family, husbands, and even strangers.  Because of the wreckless nature of insecurity mixed with guilt, the topic is always present at our weekend retreats.  As a woman, I struggle with this as much or even more than any other women.  I have scoured through self-help books trying to find the anecdote to insecurity.  Amidst moments of self-image induced anxiety, I even remind myself of a friend's definition of insecurity, who calls it "pride upside down."  Regardless of the spiritual knowledge and tools I have to fight off my self-image issues, I have found nothing strong enough to break me from it's wretched pattern ... until this weekend.

The Lord always teaches me through imagery and pictures, and He gave me such a pure image of His power over insecurity through a seemingly small moment during the retreat.  During an evening message by a sweet friend, she quoted Isaiah 45:2a, "I will go before you and make the crooked places straight."  Just moments before, I had journaled in my notebook and asked the Lord to give me power over my feelings of bitterness, resentment and pride regarding my appearance.  When she read this verse in the context of the crooked places within our hearts, I felt the humbling truth penetrate my soul.  

All the years of anxiety and hostility in my heart surfaced to the top and I found myself dealing with all of it right then and there.  As the worship team began to softly play, I cried quietly to myself.  Amidst my emotional road to truth, I felt a hand softly rub my back just like my mother would have in that very moment.  Sitting next to me was, Carlene, a woman I had just met before the message.  Judging by first impression, she looked to be in her late 50's, grandmotherly, conservative and sweet, wearing a matching knit outfit with a blue flower print.  However, the one thing that threw me off were the tattoos on her left-hand fingers.  Although I didn't judge or even give it two thoughts, I definitely didn't anticipate her to reach out to me in such a moment.

As I crumbled even more due to her kind gesture, she leaned over and whispered to me, "If there's something you're hurting about, I can pray for you."  I told her my struggle with anger and resentment, explaining how I deal with it daily as it churns and builds inside me.  As an inside note, my already existing issues with bitterness seem to be exacerbated by insecurities regarding weight gain and a destructive self-image.  However, my issues seemed small as she began explaining to me her own road out of deeply seeded bitterness and anger.  

Carlene shared with me her sweet story of overcoming a lifestyle of substance abuse, destructive relationships and a painful upbringing.  She told me that Jesus had freed her from so many things that should have killed her.  As she shared this with me, tears of joy ran down her face.  While I listened to her story, I noticed that she tended to keep her left hand hidden beneath the table, but at one point she brought it up, resting it on the table.  When she did, I noticed that whatever message had been initially inked across her fingers had been blotted out by more ink and was unreadable.  I started to think about what those blots of ink meant to her - memories of pain, guilt, resent, bitterness, or anger - and how she was faced with constantly carrying the reminder of her past upon her skin.  So moved by her burden and courage in carrying it, I reached up and placed my hand over her ink covered fingers.  When she saw what I had done, she began to weep, humbled and relieved to have someone embrace her "flaws."

We all carry reminders of painful wounds, either on our shell or in the dark, crooked places within our hearts.  What we fail to realize is that the Lord embraces, fills and covers all of these wounds!  He loves us with an unfailing love and He sees us as whiter than snow.  I keep bringing up the image of embracing Carlene's hand when I think about my own flaws and imperfections.  Then, I think of the Lord covering them as He so lovingly does with His nail pierced hands.  Thank you, Jesus, for the sacrifice you made, the unfailing love you give to me, and the way you daily draw me closer to your heart!

Beside Quiet Waters

"He makes me lie down in green pastures, 

he leads me beside quiet waters"

~ Psalm 23:2

The Lord creates moments of simplicity and peace for us because He understands our need for them.  He literally provides opportunities within our days that are meant to make us sit still and simply be. The 23rd Psalm always evokes a picture of complete peace in my mind.  When I read it, I can smell the aroma of grass and wildflowers and practically feel the cool, damp ground beneath me.  I close my eyes and imagine the faint bubbling of a brook as it flows across smooth stones and sand.  The Bible says that, "The earth is the Lord's, and everything in it, the world, and all who live in it." (Psalm 24:1)  Today, be reminded that the earth is the Lord's and that you are a beautiful part of His intricate and majestic design!

Preparing Our Hearts for Easter

As a child, I loved reading the stories of the Bible.  Almost daily, I would pull out one of our ten, heavy, hard-bound volumes of Arthur Maxwell's The Bible Story collection.  The pages were thick and carried a distinctive musty smell.  The pictures always grabbed my imagination, conveying the emotion, atmosphere and purpose of the stories within each intricate image.  But, out of all the stories and pictures, the only one that drew me to tears was the story of Jesus on the cross.

In my childlike understanding of the story, I felt so sorry for Jesus and heartbroken because of the pain He endured.  However, my perception of the story ended there, and I was not able to fully understand Jesus, Easter, or the need for salvation until I was a teenager, independently studying the Bible for the first time.  Consequently, my concept of Easter became less about wearing a Spring dress and eating pineapple roasted ham because my heart was concentrated on celebrating the profound purpose of the cross.  From beginning to end, the Bible chronologizes the fall of man, the prophecies, life, death, and resurrection a Savior, and the ongoing call to salvation through Jesus Christ.  

Prophecy of a Savior

Within the first three chapters of the Bible in the Book of Genesis, the creation and fall of man takes place at the hands of Adam and Eve, creating a chasm between humans and God.  The rest of the Bible is a continuing story of God’s plan to offer restoration to the world through a chosen Savior.  In 2 Samuel 7:16, the prophet Nathan relays a message from God to King David, saying, “Your house and your kingdom will endure forever before me; your throne will be established forever.”  God’s promise tells us that He was establishing a divinely royal bloodline through David.  Another of the many Old Testament prophecies of the Messiah, or “chosen one,” comes out of Isaiah:

Isaiah 53:3

But He was wounded for our transgressions,

He was bruised for our iniquities;

The chastisement for our peace was upon Him,

And by His stripes we are healed.

This verse and the context of this passage outline three very important things about the Savior.   It tells us that He would bear pain and death to pay the penalty of sin, and that He would be scorned, ridiculed and condemned in order to become Peace on Earth.  Most importantly, according to this prophecy and many others, His death would provide eternal life and fill the chasm between God and man.

Purpose of the Cross

The four New Testament Gospels tell the story of the birth, life, death, and resurrection of Jesus of Nazareth, a descendant of David.  Within these books, we find parallels and confirmation from Old Testament prophecies that Jesus was the Messiah, and the conclusion of each book tells the story of how Jesus was plotted against, arrested, beaten, chastised, condemned, and killed upon a cross.  However, this was not just the death of a man, but the death of God for man.  Even Jesus stated in Matthew 20:28, “just as the Son of Man did not come to be served, but to serve, and to give His life a ransom for many."  The purpose of the cross was not only for the Roman government and religious officials to execute Jesus as a penalty for claiming to be the Messiah, but it become an alter where God sacrificed His Son to pay for the sins of the world.  Amazingly, the cross, an instrument of torture and execution, has become something that means life to me.  When I look at the cross, I see the nails and bloodstains, but I also see a love offering and a victory that was won for me by God.  Symbolically, the figure of the cross extends vertically up to heaven and spreads horizontally out to the world, meeting at one point and one place in time.

Providence of Salvation

On Easter, while we remember the death of Jesus Christ, the true celebration is in His resurrection.  Because of His resurrection, Jesus overcame death and overcame the curse of death for the whole world.  Therefore, God has thrown us a lifeline through His Son, Jesus Christ, who is now the bridge that connects us back to God and back into eternal life.  In 1 John 5:5, the author states, "Who is it that overcomes the world?  Only he who believes that Jesus is the Son of God."  When we chose to believe that Jesus is the Son of God, we accept Him as our Savior and our lifeline.  In words best quoted from Jesus himself, He states in the iconic Easter passage John 3:16-17, “For God so loved the world that he gave His one and only Son, that whoever believes in Him shall not perish but have eternal life.  For God did not send His Son into the world to condemn the world, but to save the world through Him.”

Check out this article and others that I've published on Yahoo Voices

That's My King

This past week, my mom paraphrased a statement made by Winkie Pratney, saying, "People respond to the Light in three different ways. Some accept it while others live indifferently to it. However, many try to stomp it out."  If you watch this clip, my prayer is that your response will be the first of those three.  

Isaiah 53:5

But He was wounded for our transgressions,

He was bruised for our iniquities;

The chastisement for our peace was upon Him,

And by His strips we are healed.

Hamanteschen Cookies

This is a picture of the fruits of my labor on Purim Thursday.  Cookies are just not one of my favorite things to make, so when I say "labor" it's oddly accurate!  I used the recipe posted earlier last week, but had to make some revisions.  Also, the altered version, which was supposed to render 36 cookies, turned out to be a smaller batch than I had anticipated.  I tweaked the recipe as follows to suit my taste:

3 large eggs

5/8 cup sugar (I'm just making it a rounded 1/2 cup)

2 tsp lemon zest

3/4 cup butter, melted

3 cups all-purpose flour

Strawberry Preserves

Guava Jelly

In a nutshell: 1) grease the cookie sheets, 2) Beat eggs, 3) Add sugar, lemon peel and melted butter, beating mixture until light and fluffy, 4) Add flour and mix well, 5) Cover and refrigerate for 1.5 hours, 6) Pre-heat oven to 350 degrees, 7) On a floured surface, roll dough to a 1/8-inch thickness, 8) Cut with a floured 3-inch round cookie cutter or cup, 9) Place an inch apart on cookie sheets, 10) Spoon a teaspoon of fruit filling onto each circle, alternating flavors, 11) Moisten edges of dough circles with water, 12) Folding 3 sides in, shape into triangles and pinch corners to seal, 13) Bake for 8-12 minutes or until edges are light golden brown, 14) Remove, cool, enjoy!

Purim: Morbid Cookies and a Reminder of God's Faithfulness

Although I grew up in a gentile, Christian home, I have always been intrigued by the Jewish feasts, festivals and traditions.  In the 1980's, one of the first video tapes my family ever owned was of The Fiddler On The Roof.  I practically wore holes through the film tape, as I watched it at least twice a week.  While the song and dance prone Tevye may not have been the best representation of Jewish tradition, watching his wife in the film lead the Shabbat Prayer was the closest connection I had to a Siddur. However, as I've grown older, I am finding that the heart of reverence which is poured out during these Jewish observances is just as meaningful to me as a Christian.  One particular Jewish custom that is often overlooked by Christians is Purim.

Purim is coming up this year on March 8th, which is just a few days away.  There are practical and fun ways to observe the festival, but there are also more introspective ways to observe its significance and symbolism.   Purim is the Jewish observance of the story of Esther.  While some scholars view this book as simply an excerpt of history to bridge the 400 Silent Years, I see so much significance within the parallels and symbols of God's faithfulness and unfailing love.  

image property of US government

When I read stories from the Bible, I love to read between the lines into the context and ramifications of the story.  Honestly, I hadn't read the full Book of Esther since Bible College, so it was good to look at it with refreshed perspective.  First of all, I find it interesting that Xerxes "ruled over 127 provinces stretching from India to Cush," as mentioned in the first chapter of Esther and in the first verse.  Right off the bat, the writer wants you to know that King Xerxes ruled over basically all of ancient Persia, which currently consists of Iran, Iraq, Saudi Arabia, Pakistan, Afghanistan, Israel, Lebanon, and Yemen.  In fact, his throne sat in what is now the city of Shush in Iran.  This fact alone sets the stage for the ensuing  irony in the story.

attribution: Forest & Kim Starr

After Queen Vashti displeased the king, he vanquished her and sought to replace her with a commoner.  This is where Esther enters the picture.  In Esther 2:7, we find out that her Hebrew name is Hadassah, meaning myrtle.  In Jewish tradition, the Feast of Tabernacles uses the flowering branches of myrtle to represent "those who have good deeds to their credit despite not having knowledge and study of the Torah."  The fragrant flower also represents the Garden of Eden (BhM II: 52; Sefer ha-Hezyonot 17). It's really amazing how strongly the parallel between Esther and Eve is displayed in this story.  Symbolically, we witness the character of Eve defeating death by the deliverance of a King.  Beautiful!

The most famous quote throughout this whole book is undoubtedly Esther 4:14, where Mordecai appeals to Esther, his niece, a Jew, and the queen:

"For if you remain silent at this time, relief and deliverance for the Jews will arise from another place, but you and your father's family will perish.  And who knows but that you have come to royal position for such a time as this." 

Essentially, Esther would have to sacrifice her own life in order to ensure the salvation of her people.  My NIV Study Bible commentary states that this verse outlines "the relationship between divine sovereignty and human responsibility."  This relationship between divine sovereignty and human responsibility is seen similarly in the Bible as Jesus prepares himself to take on the cross.  As He prayed in the Garden of Gethsemane, He prayed, "Abba, Father, all things are possible for you.  Take this cup away from Me; nevertheless, not what I will, but what You will."  Peter alludes to God's sovereignty and Jesus act of sacrifice in Acts 2:23-24, saying, "Him, being delivered by the determined purpose and foreknowledge of God ... whom God raised up, having loosed the pains of death, because it was not possible that He should be held by it."

I find it so beautiful that Purim, a celebration of God's deliverance and faithfulness, would prepare us for the Passover and Resurrection Sunday.  The story of Esther is not just a bridge in Biblical history, it a vital piece within the story of God's salvation and redemption of His creation.  We are loved and desired by God, our Creator and Redeemer.

Now, Let's Make Haman's Ears!

If you skim through my food articles, you will probably noticed I'm big on savory cooking and not so big on making desserts.  While I love sweets, I dislike the preparation steps, mess and hassle. However, Hamantaschen Cookies look simple enough that even I should enjoy making them.  Hamantaschen translates from the Yiddish as "ears of Haman," but I've also seen the cookies called "Haman's Hat."  I found a recipe on Food.com which I'll be using to bake my Haman's Ears (yum?) this Thursday, so be sure to check back for pictures.  I've altered the measurements in order to only make 36 cookies: 

3 large eggs

5/8 cup sugar (I'm just making it a rounded 1/2 cup)

1 1/2 tsp orange zest

3/4 cup butter, melted

3 cups all-purpose flour

1 (9 oz) can poppy seed filling (substitute with prune or apricot filling)

In a nutshell: 1) grease the cookie sheets, 2) Beat eggs, 3) Add sugar, orange peel and melted butter, beating mixture until light and fluffy, 4) Add flour and mix well, 5) Cover and refrigerate for 1.5 hours, 6) Pre-heat oven to 350 degrees, 7) On a floured surface, roll dough to a 1/4-inch thickness, 8) Cut with a floured 3-inch round cookie cutter or cup, 9) Place an inch apart on cookie sheets, 10) Spoon a teaspoon of filling onto each circle, 11) Moisten edges of dough circles with water, 12) Folding 3 sides in, shape into triangles and pinch corners to seal, 13) Bake for 8-12 minutes or until edges are light golden brown, 14) Remove, cool, eat!

Guilt

I started the week allowing memories of past failures to haunt my heart.  Guilt is such a wretched feeling and can be so destructive to our faith.  However, God allowed it to enter my life this week for the very purpose of furthering His glory in me.  In my search for rest in the Lord, I found myself reading the promise in Romans 8:37-39:

In all these things we are more than conquerors through Him who loved us.  For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord.

It was such a blessing to receive that promise, putting my heart at rest and peace in God's powerful love and redemption.  However, I didn't even understand the full purpose of this verse in the day I read it.  Hours later, God brought it back to my mind and urged me to share it with a young friend who was struggling with fresh wounds of regret and guilt.  

God is so good!  He allowed me to enter a place of guilt for the very purpose of reminding me that we are more than conquerors through Him and that nothing can separate us from His love.  The eternal benefit of this journey is amazing ... He let me become a vessel to carry this message to someone in extreme need of it.  What an honor that we are ambassadors of God's love and salvation! 

Day 14: Simple Love

The month of February is a very sentimental month for Josh and me.  On February 16th of 2007, we went on our first date.  We had mutual friends in high school, but had been out of touch since my graduation in 2000.  Near the end of 2006, I received a Myspace friend request from Josh and I accepted the request, thinking nothing of it.  Little did I know, it was his first step to getting back in touch with me.  A month passed and he sent me a message asking to hang out with a group of friends.  Looking back on it now, there is such a sweetness to the way he pursued a platonic relationship just so that he could get to know me.  He definitely pulled a fast one though, staging a "group" hang out that turned into a one on one dinner.  

With no expectations, anxiety or preoccupation, I met my friend for dinner, but by the end of the evening we both knew we were meant to be more than friends.  We were married five months later. We spent the first two years as a couple, getting pregnant by surprise in late Spring 2009.  Our little Hana had a March 2010 due date and by the end of January we were hustling to prepare for her arrival, decorating her nursery and hosting the baby shower in our home.  Amidst the busyness, I came down with bronchitis, which quickly turned into pneumonia-like symptoms.  My primary care physician called in antibiotics and an inhaler, and I thought I was on the mend so I continued working and busying myself with preparing for the baby.  

On February 11th of 2010, Josh and I met at the doctor's office for my 36 week check-up and ultrasound during our lunch hours, anticipating Hana's first 4D ultrasound.  I remember feeling fatigued, weak and out of breath due to my respiratory sickness, but I was unaware that my body was seriously dehydrated.  During the ultrasound, the sonographer realized that Hana was sitting in an amniotic sac with no fluid and wasn't receiving any blood through the umbilical cord.  Although we had no way of tracking how long she had been without fluid and blood, the fetal heart monitor picked up a slow but steady heart rate.  I was rushed rushed into an emergency c-section and by God's grace gave birth to Hana that afternoon, who came out quiet but strong.

Hana spent two weeks in the NICU fighting off jaundice and gaining an appetite.  God blessed us with the ability to be present for almost every one of her feedings.  I'll never forget watching her sweet, big, blue eyes when she would look up at me.  For a preemie, she had a strong, serious stare and her seriousness cracked up the nurses.  She was just so little!  She could practically swim in her preemie clothes!  

We spent that Valentine's Day in the hospital with Hana.  While February already carried a sense of nostalgia for us, Hana's birth created a sentiment beyond words.  Overjoyed with thankfulness and love, I kept finding myself reminded of this verse, "This is love: not that we loved God, but that He loved us..."  That verse comes out of 1 John 4:10-12 and it reads:

"This is love: not that we loved God, but that he loved us and sent his son as an atoning sacrifice for our sins.  Dear friends, since God so loved us, we also ought to love one another. No one has ever seen God; but if we love one another, God lives in us and his love is made complete in us."

We are so blessed to be chosen and loved by God, our Father!  I am so thankful to live inside His love and to be able to extend His love through me.  Josh, Hana and myself complete His love every day by doing the simple things.  Love is only extravagant when it is shown in the simplest and purest of ways.  

An Early Morning Dose of Mercy

Sometimes when I open my Bible, God sends me on a goose chase.  Not so much a wild one, but a journey, more or less, that takes a full circle and then comes back to me ... my heart.  This morning, I caught an hour to myself before my toddler woke up.  Man, I was pumped.  I had my skinny latte going.  I had my eggs going, my toast buttered and browned to perfection, and sweet raspberries on the side (cool money saver tip: Target has been selling half pints for under $2.50).  Honestly, I was feeling blessed ... no, I was feeling favored.  God's face was shining upon me.  I was so holy, reading my Bible and eating a healthy breakfast (of which I took a picture of to commemorate the moment - ha!)  And then I asked the Lord to reveal truth to me.  

After I prayed, I opened up to Psalm, chapter five.  I usually open my quiet time with the Psalms - there's just something transparent about them, and it usually opens my heart to confession and truth.  I came to this passage of verses and just started to let them sink through me:

Psalm 5: 4-7

You are not a God who takes pleasure in evil;

with you the wicked cannot dwell (sojourn)

The arrogant cannot stand in your presence;

you hate all who do wrong.

You destroy those who tell lies;

bloodthirsty and deceitful men the Lord abhors.

But I, by your great mercy,

will come into your house;

in reverence will I bow down

toward your holy temple.

What I immediately took from this was that David was putting himself in the group with the evil pleasure seekers, wicked, arrogant, liars, bloodthirsty and deceitful.  But by God's mercy, he found himself in reverence and submission before God's throne.  This made me really want to do a study on mercy, which took me to Matthew.  What better way to learn about mercy than through Jesus.  I found myself in Matthew, chapter 12, where the pharisees had reprimanded the disciples for snacking on heads of grain they had picked on the Sabbath.  It was against the Law of Moses to do any sort of work on the Sabbath.  Jesus then used their own playbook to show them the error of their mercilessness, quoting from the prophet Hosea, he said, "If you had known what these words mean, 'I desire mercy, not sacrifice,' you would not have condemned the innocent." (Mt 12:7)

I read this and went to the quoted scripture in Hosea 6:6, looking for more information regarding mercy, and digging into this strong statement.  According to the commentary of Hosea 6:6 in my NIV Study Bible, "Hesed, a word that can refer to right conduct toward one's neighbor or loyalty to the Lord or both ... the same Hebrew word is often translated 'love'."  So, ultimately, mercy and love are intertwined.  How many times do we choose not to show mercy towards others?  Even the most fleeting thought of unvoiced, merciless judgement will permeate your conscience, but somehow we find a way to justify it and move on.

When it comes to relationships and righteousness, I always find myself going to the Book of James, which exactly what I did during my mercy word study.  The disciple expounds on the idea of mercy as an intertwined force with the other fruits of the Spirit in James 3:17-18, where he wrote, "But the wisdom that comes from heave is first of all pure; then peace-loving, considerate, submissive, full of mercy and good fruit, impartial and sincere.  Peacemakers who sow in peace raise a harvest of righteousness."

So, this is where the Lord makes his circle, completing the 180 degrees back to my heart.  It was easy for me to pick on the Pharisees regarding judgement, but God answered my prayer and revealed truth regarding my heart, regarding my heart.  I found myself in a place of confession, saying, "Lord, forgive me for having a merciless heart toward others."  Mercy is a sincere, from the heart act of righteousness.  It connects us to others in deeper way and keeps our feet on the ground.

Empathy

As a new teacher in a Christian elementary school, I found myself running to my teaching mentor, Margaret, daily (actually, multiple times throughout the day) with concerns and requests for advice in dealing with my little ones.  One thing she taught me was that ethics must always be the first lesson in a classroom, and empathy is the basis for driving the ethics you teach.  Children have a hard time seeing past their own needs and wants.  It's hard to empathize with the kid you've just swiped a jumprope away from when you NEEDED that jumprope ... thus lack a of empathy.  Humans are selfish and self-consumbed by nature, which is why empathy must be the grounding point for everyone's spiritual life and personal lessons.

What is empathy?  I used to just equate it with sympathy, but although the words are linked they are not really the same.  I believe sympathy is more of a detached feeling, while empathy combines feeling and identification.  1 Peter 1:22 says, "... love one another deeply, from the heart."  For me, that line is one of many from the Bible that embodies the act of empathy.  When you love "deeply, from the heart" you will also identify with each other "deeply, from the heart."

Although I understand empathy and I strive to love in that way, I still find myself lacking in love for others.  I still chose to love some and not love others.  I withhold my empathy from those that I don't feel deserve it ... but did I deserve the love that Jesus showed me?  Jesus identified with me in my selfish, sinful state.  He became my sin, so that I can have the opportunity to be free of it.  WOW!  In light of that, I can definitely empathize and love deeply someone that seems unfit to love.

The act of withholding empathy can be great or small.  Obviously I have a hard time identifying with a mass murderer, but how hard is it to identify with someone who always seems to have some sort of petty, physical ailment that they are complaining about?  HARD.  Their pettiness becomes a reason to withhold empathy because I unfairly reach the conclusion that they do not deserve a listening ear.  Reacting this way is completely unfair and unloving and unlike my Savior.

Within the context of 1 Peter 1:22-23, Peter is explaining that the deep love from the heart is evidence of our salvation and the work of the Holy Spirit within us.  He says in the first part of the verse, "Now you have purified yourselves by obeying the truth so that you have sincere love for your brothers, love one another deeply, from the heart.  For you have been born again ..."

Empathy is huge for us!  It's almost impossible without the Holy Spirit at work within us!  We need to challenge ourselves to deep love and empathy for those we pettily push aside.  No more justifying that action as deserved ... take a moment to relate, identify, listen and LOVE.

Grace for the Humble

Chatting with a good friend today, she explained to me a frustrating situation she has been experiencing.  She felt cornered and bound within the situation, but even worse she felt guilty for the angry feelings she has been having as a result.  She was asking for advice on how to mend the problem and overcome her anger.  And this is where I put the story on pause because although she was asking me for advice I needed to hear my advice just as much or more than she did!

Amidst the conversation, I never realized that God was speaking to me regarding an issue within my own heart ... conviction through the very words I was speaking.  Isn't it crazy how we sometimes become our own prophets?  While we were talking, I was reminded of the verse that says, "God opposes the proud, but gives grace to the humble". I looked it up and found James 4 ... the whole chapter is advice on handling quarrels and confrontations.  Once the verse came to me, another profound word just began to flow: "Apologize for your angry reaction. Humility is a characteristic of integrity and it makes you even more valued by others because it becomes the basis for your reputation."  Basically, what I was saying was show humility by acknowledging your wrong actions.  Although your frustration with the situation and the motivation of your anger were not necessarily wrong, the outburst served the purpose of whittling away at your reputation.  Restore your position through apology.

Apologies are great!  First of all, when an apology is sincere and timely it puts everyone on the same ground level.  Secondly, apologies send an invitation to God, asking Him to be present ... the Lord gives grace to the humble.  Lastly, the act of a sincere apology opens the door for communication and restoration.  To sum it all up, one act of sincere humility serves to build an even stronger relationship with others and with God.

James 4:6 "But He gives us more grace.  That is why the scripture says: 'God opposes the proud, but shows favor to the humble.'"

Save Me, Oh God

When I read Psalm 69, I can really feel and identify with David's pain.  We have all reached a point of complete, overwhelming remorse regarding sin in our lives.  This is where David was when he wrote this psalm.  He is so disgusted with his sin and the disease of his heart that he even implores the Lord to save his nation and descendants despite his wrongdoing, as Psalm 69:6 reads:

May those hope in You

not be disgraced because of me,

O Lord, the Lord Almighty;

may those who seek You

not be put to shame because of me,

O God of Israel

David could not even begin to understand salvation through grace because the Messiah had not yet come.  However, what amazes me is that throughout the beginning of his psalm he is asking God to save humanity, but by the end of the psalm he prophesies the coming of Christ and the end of days.  Psalm 69:34-36 reads:

Let heaven and earth praise Him,

the seas and all that move in them,

for God will save Zion

and rebuild the cities of Judah.

Then people will settle there and possess it;

the children of His servant will inherit it,

and those who love His name will dwell there.

Despite our sin and shortcomings, the Lord is always there to pick us up and offer a way out.  The band Waterdeep wrote a song after Psalm 69 called Save Me. My favorite lines of the song explain David's conclusion of his psalm with a modern perspective: "No one has ever loved me like the way You love me ... Only you have come to save me ... Only you have come to wrap your arms around me."  It's funny how David, this man who did so many terrible things (adultery, murder, etc.), could be a "man after God's own heart."  My condemning flesh says, "That's not fair - that shouldn't be possible!"  Then I remember that God glorified Himself through this wretched man, bringing us Jesus Christ ... fulfilling David's prophesy.  It makes me wonder what God can do through me, a wretched sinner saved by grace.

Quick Note: At a Bible study I attended earlier this week, a friend suggested reading the Psalms everyday.  She suggested reading the Psalm for the day (i.e. read Psalm 9 on June 9th) and then read every thirty Psalms ... to break it down, today I read Psalm 9, 39, 69, 99 and 129.  You don't have to read them all, but even if you are able to read one it can really change the course of your day.

Souvenirs

I love going through random, old and forgotten boxes when I find them tucked away in the corners of my home. I find useful tools and items I forgot that I owned, but most importantly I find souvenirs.  It's funny how the smallest item can reopen your mind to a memory you had almost forgotten.  However, some souvenirs are more important than others.  There are the little nicknacks that can be placed right back in that box once you've enjoyed a memory for a moment, but then there are the seemingly small things that are actually long lost, prized possessions.  These are the tokens that you ache and long for if you can't find them.

For the past year, I've racked my brain to find two misplaced mementos: the video footage of my daughter's first year of life and a fat, green binder of compiled sheet music I kept since I was 16 years old.  It's weird how in misplacing these items I feel that I've misplaced a part of myself.  The binder of sheet music (half of which has spilled coffee stains) is really a throwback to my younger, more lively days.  However, I've cried and cried over the video footage and even thinking about it now gives me a heartache!  That is completely irreplaceable ... something you never get back.

I got up tonight to get a drink of water and amongst my random, sleepy thoughts I started thinking about Hana's long lost home video and God struck me with an even deeper thought: "This is how I feel about my children".  Our Father aches for time lost with us.  He aches for us to use our gifts and passions for His glory and He aches when we live outside His blessings.  He misses us when we forget about Him.  It reminds me of the book of Zephaniah where the prophet was calling out Israel to return to God.  In chapter three, he was imploring them to repent and turn their praise to the Lord and in verse 17 he states:

The Lord your God is with you, 

He is mighty to save,

He takes great delight in you;

in His love he will no longer rebuke you,

but will rejoice over you with singing.

The Lord sings over us, He delights in us!  I have that picture in my mind when I feel his blessings pour over me.  When I walk hand in hand with my toddling little girl, I think of how much He loves us to give us these small but powerful moments.  When we view our lives inside His blessing, it is absolutely life changing!  When we begin to live under that light, the light of His Spirit, it changes the way we exert our powers towards the gifts He's given us.  Paintings become more brilliant.  Music becomes more soulful.  Writing becomes more passionate.  Life becomes more powerful!  

As I started writing this post I googled the word souvenir to make sure I was spelling it correctly.  (I always question myself when I spell out French words.)  Some of the words I saw pop-up in association with souvenir were memento, keepsake, token of remembrance, and prize.  When I think of a memento I think of a trinkety keychain that says "Destin, Florida", but when I think of a prize I think of something far more important.  A prize is something we work very hard for, cherish, and miss when we misplace it.  But for our Lord, His prize was something He gave His life for, delights in and aches for when He can't be near it.

At the very end of the Book of Zephaniah, he writes a promise from God,  "At that time I will gather you; at that time I will bring you home.  I will give you honor and praise among all the peoples of the earth when I restore your fortunes before their very eyes".  I took a while away from God and kept Him at arms length, but returning to Him feels just like this promise.  He has gathered me up, carried me back into His presence and is restoring the lost time we had together.  Thank you Lord for being so true to Your promises in despite of the time I've taken away from You!  Thank you for restoring my passions and vision.  Thank you for being so good and so true.

Quick note: If you have not heard the song from Kari Jobe "You Are For Me", definitely check it out ... http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UbSMfL5LuSo&feature=related

Life's New Chapter

So it's been a while since I have posted anything on this blog. To catch up, we bought a house, got a dog, started new jobs, had a baby, had to give away the dog, now have a toddler ... and that pretty much brings us up to the current day. Now that we are parents we are definitely concentrated on the best for our little daughter. Another focus of concentration has become our walk with the Lord. These two forces combined will cause you to exercise acts of faith and self-sacrifice as never before, which is what brings me to life's new chapter: stay at home mom.

Working for an up and coming local business can be a very fulfilling and financially faithful way of life, but I found that regardless of the perks it wasn't fulfilling me or making my family more balanced. My little girl spent the first year of her life with babysitters through the majority of each work week. My husband felt further from me than at any other point in our relationship. My house stayed in a constant state of dirty chaos. But most of all, something beyond all of that felt out of place. I know that being a working mom is possible and it can be very balanced and fulfilling, but I am not positive that it is for me.

Long story short, my husband and I spent the past year going back and forth on the idea of me staying home and it just wasn't right until now. God laid it on both our hearts at the same time. Our situation from a purely logical point of view does not make complete sense, but when God lays something on your heart it doesn't always have to make sense. It seems that each day along this new journey we find blessing after blessing.

I want to take this time to memorialize the way God is working in our life. I never want to forget the miracles small and large. And most of all, I want to share our daily lessons with others. So stay tuned for blogs on thrifty living, household tips, gardening .... basically anything domestic! I'm excited to get comments and advice so don't hold back!

When I Hear The Praises Start

I have a confession: I'm a youtuber. I (sometimes Josh too) will think of some obscure clip and of course we don't have it on hand, but there's always the sure answer: youtube.

Approximately three hours ago (yeah, that's how long I've been youtubing) I looked up clips of Bob Dylan live and somehow wound up watching an hour long set of clips documenting the life of Keith Green. I'm really thankful I did! I had forgotten how much that guy and his music meant to me.


Growing up, Keith Green was practically iconic in my home. My parents had a ton of his tapes. I even knew him by name and recognized his face in pictures by the time I was five. That's how important he was to people.


Keith Green was Jesus to me. I can remember the first time I heard and really understood who Jesus was and what He did - it was because of Keith Green. I was in the first or second grade, my mom had his tape playing while she was cleaning. It had some live stuff and in between a set of songs Keith Green just started talking about Jesus. I don't remember what he said exactly, all I know is that my heart understood. It was real to me.


He radiated. Even when he sang, you could feel the depth of his love for God. I find myself wanting to find and see that energy. I've met people that had that same spark - the Holy Spirit. I've had moments when I felt that peace and presence. It's calming and memorable.


I miss having people around like him. He was so in-tune that he created a connection. He definitely wasn't perfect; he had his faults and personality flaws like everybody else. But he was just real. I'm just really thankful for the time he spent here. He was really instrumental in helping people experience Jesus, especially for me.

Thoughts On Eternity

Eternity is a subject I always find myself wanting to learn more about - partly because it scares the hell out of me (pun intended). Last Sunday, we attended a mega church in the area and the sermon topic was on Hell. The most common description of hell is a fiery pit with overflowing lava and the torchered souls of humanity screaming from within. Here's my problem with that description: It tells me squat. Most descriptions of hell dont tell me what I really want to know! However, last Sunday, I was so happy to received some new information!

Here are a few common terms in connection with the word hell redefined:

Gnashing of Teeth: The minister explained it something like this ... the moment you realize you took the wrong exit, you grit your teeth because you messed up. Can you imagine taking the wrong exit over and over and over again - always just realizing how much you messed up. It would be agony! It would be hell. It is the most frustrating existence.

Utter Darkness: God created all things beautiful and peaceful. When I think of a place that is void of God, void of God's touch, I think of a very dark, cold and lonely place. When we refuse to acknowledge God, we then refuse to take part in His creation. C.S. Lewis wrote, "The doors of hell are locked from the inside". Eternity is our choice! The beauty and the tragedy of human existence is something called free will. I always hear people say things like, "Me and Jesus just don't get along," or, "God hates me. I wish He'd just leave me alone". The scary part is, eventually, He will say okay. He will listen and leave us alone.

I don't want to be away from God! I love His creation; I love His ways. I don't always do what I know He wants me to do. I mess up all the time. But I will always acknowledge Him as the sole Creator and Sustainer of life - most specifically, my life. I love Jesus because I believe He is the Son of God and I believe He is the only way to God. I am not a theologian, or anyone important for that matter, but these I believe and know are true!

Breakfast Served 24 hrs

Why do I stay up so late? I hate it! Its almost as if I'm waiting for something to happen or I'm waiting for some sort of inspiration. But the hard part is that the longer I stay up the further inspiration feels as I glide further and further away from the island of clear thought process upon my little raft of sleep deprivation.

I remember how in college it was the thing to skip curfew (I went to a very conservative Bible college) by going to the nearby Waffle House. The problem with that was always the same: Why would I want to give up my warm, extra long dorm bed to sit on a greasy, orange Waffle House bench all night? I struggled with that once and came to the solid conclusion: I don't. Never once did I do it, but I did, however, make use of some of the quiet corners in our dorm building. The third floor had a lounge that no one ever used - it was great! That was my venue of choice for reading, meditation and good one on one, four hour conversations with friends. It had a huge floor to ceiling window that caught a panoramic view of the sunrise above the trees. It was so perfect for all nighters or for early mornings talking to God. I really miss that place. It still holds symbolic imagery for me: being near God.

I carry in my mind a lot of symbolic imagery in my mind. It consists of images of places I have been and the way I felt when I was there. I like the way John Eldredge mentions this in The Journey of Desire - but its been a while since I read it and I dont have the book handy, so I wont quote. But he explains these memories, whether they be associated with images, places, colors or smells, as monumental moments in which we felt God. We cant create or recreate these moments - we are blessed with very few but just enough to be burned into memory.